It's The New Thing To Do, It's Called Fading Away
by Mock Me
Summary: Kyo is fading away and no one seems to notice. Tohru is too busy with being Yuki's girlfriend. And then there are those terrible nightmares and mind splitting headaches, what could this possibly mean? Warning: Cutting and Yaoi HaruXKyo YukiXTohru R
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I don't even own my left foot. :(**

**Warning: There is Cutting and there will be a BoyXBoy relationship in later chapters. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Note: It's been a while since I've done this so please be kind and review! Tell me how I can improve. **

**Also this is just the prologue. To me a prologue is just to help you to understand the chapters ahead. This means that what happens in the chapters after the prologue can either refer prior to the events that are stated or can take right off into the story. Sorry, if this confuses you. The prologue isn't really that meaningful to me, I just want to get you up to date on what is happening.**

**Anyways, I hope this prologue doesn't turn you off to the story. It's just an overview of what's happening. **

**Thanks for reading!  
**

**I hope you like it! -**

* * *

"_There Is This Part Of Me _

_That Craves For This Neglect_

_So I Have A Reason_

_To Fade Away"_

* * *

How long has it been like this? A dazzling routine that had lost it's touch too long ago, though it's performers never stopped the enchanting act. If only it was still such a wondrous thing, if only that fire inside hadn't been smothered so soon. Then, maybe, the routine would still be what he had originally thought it to be. 

But now, something inside him had broken off, leaving his body when he saw the sight that had lain before him a month ago. He had a feeling that whatever thing that had broken wasn't fixable. He would be broken until the end of his life. Watching that awful scene that replayed over and over so many times, leading him slowly to this depression.

Kyo had never felt a depression quite like what he was feeling now. The red head found it hard to even eat food anymore, the food turning into a disastrous taste in his mouth. There was an empty pit in his stomach that churned with the sight of any happy couple or even her face. He knew he was selfish for wanting her. She was already committed and why would she choose an infectious monster over Prince Rat?

The scene replayed again as he landed roughly onto a well known rock after crashing through one of the paper-like doors and tearing it off the hinges. His mouth filled with grass and soil that he collected in his mouth before spitting it back to where it belonged as he rubbed the bruising area over his cheek. This was the part where he ran into the forest to be alone; he knew this routine, as did everyone else. Even Shigure had started whining about his doors. He wasn't about to break this routine yet. He wanted to be able to seem as normal as possible and keep his depression hidden behind his bedroom doors.

His legs pumped harder, body dodging the trees before he finally slipped in his haste, cutting his school shirt and a bit of his soft, tanned flesh as he fell. The small scratch took his mind away from the disturbing scene where Yuki and Tohru had found their first kiss, and then how happy they seemed to be together. They were always smiling, kissing, flirting, and worst of all they had found it too easy to express their love for another in front of him.

His eyes watched the liquid that slowly bubbled under the surface before seeping through the paper-thin cut in his skin. The crimson overflowing the sides as he pinched along the cut, hoping that the throbbing in his wrist would die down once his new-found ecstasy had taken it's course. His mind hummed at the thought of pain, was that why he was starting to pick more fights? While his insides died from the betrayal of his crush, he could also hurt the outside as well?

It didn't matter. He hadn't had a chance to even convey his feelings but even Tohru should have seen the signs that he was giving. The girl wasn't all that bright but Kyo was sure she had seen the way he had looked at her and the way he acted around her now that she clung to Yuki. She should be able to feel that dank, black cloud looming around him.

But then again, Yuki was extra protective over her, watching every time she would interact with the cat. If Kyo even dared to touch the rat's love than he would be shot down. A fight would always seem to begin and though the reasons were usually covered up, everyone would know what the fight was truly about. The cat didn't know his place.

The abuse had become so much more violent and verbally hurtful that it was only right that Kyo had started to believe those words. People had told him so many times that he was a monster, was he really such an awful being? Yuki had punched hard today, he could almost swear that his cheekbone had felt as if it had shattered not to mention new hurtful phrases the older male had started to say. They would be whispered in his ears cruelly, no one else would hear those awful words. Mocking him, telling him he knew about his crush on Tahru and mocking him for it. Then there were other words that he knew he shouldn't even think about.

The abuse had always been playful, he had a feeling Yuki thought it had no effect on him, that it was still playful banter. Oh, how the rat was wrong! The words cut deep, leaving him to sort over them at night with the scene in his mind that was constantly on rewind. The liquid had dried on his fingers, leaving him to lick it off and fill his mouth with the metallic taste. The one cut wasn't enough to fulfill his desire, he needed to hurt more. He deserved to hurt more than a wimpy cut serve.

He could feel himself slowly slipping away, wearing down on the inside. He was doing the right thing by fading into the background.


	2. Chapter One: DreamScape

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I don't even own my left foot. :(**

**Warning: There is blood and there will be a BoyXBoy relationship in later chapters. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Note: It's been a while since I've done this so please be kind and review! Tell me how I can improve. **

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing! It really helps me put out more chapters when I know that people are actually reading it! -; Hope you like the first chapter!**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_Chapter One: DreamScape_

"My Body Is Numb

_The Nerves Are Dead_

_And I Can't Feel This Pain_

_Except In My Head"_

* * *

_Run. Faster, he's catching up. Run. Run. Run!_

Legs pumping, burning the muscles, tearing the back of his well-defined calves. His heart ached, along with his lungs that were either sucking in too much air or had stopped taking in the pure air of the night all together. That didn't matter. Those were the little things he didn't need to care about, the fear was driving him to be quicker. He didn't need to breathe at the moment.

A voice in his ear that whispered to him, the voice never grew louder but never faded out either, it was just there telling him where to go. It was guiding his feet, placing one foot in front of the other, making him jump over roots of trees. The voice was familiar; it had always been there. He knew he could trust it, this voice knew of his pain.

_Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Don't stop. Pain will only come. Pain. Don't stop. Pain. Don't stop…_

His body was hurting even as he ran. He needed to stop, he couldn't breathe. The irrational thought of not needing to breathe came to him again and he wondered why he had thought such a thing. It was a stupid thing to think and as he ran his mind got caught up in its stupidity.

His lungs were aching and the cold air was pressing against his chest. It was laughing at him. The wind was laughing at him. It knew of the future. It knew that he was doomed and he knew it as well. But he kept running and he couldn't figure out why. It was useless but he still tried. He knew the outcome to this story; he had seen it so many times in his mind and he knew he was doomed.

Yet his legs still kept taking him further, trying to get him away from this threat. His body was almost robotic the way it moved, forgetting about all grace and ready to fling itself as far away from this inevitable problem as possible. And the feeling in his gut deepened, churning evilly.

He knew exactly where he was going to trip, he had, after all, re-lived this moment for the past few months. Here it comes.

His bare, dirty foot catching on a tree root while an audible crack could be heard throughout the forest. All the pain rushing into his being within a second's time. His ankle was definitely broken now, he was pretty sure it had been twisted before since it had felt strange to run on it as he had. Then there were these small sensations all over his body, prickling him. He knew what they were; they were cuts slowly dripping with his life's liquid, rolling down his body, soaking into his shirt, killing him with one blood droplet at a time. The cuts didn't feel right like when he had done it to himself, no these hurt. This type of cut hurt, it was different.

There were bruises on his hands, his lip was fattened into a bloody bulge and his insides were screaming at him. But that didn't matter. His mind was clear and yet it had wandered away looking blankly at the root that had hindered his escape. He didn't want to try anymore. Why would he want to try?

The first time he had been there he had tried to get up, he had told his body to move though it wouldn't listen to his pathetic command, it laid there limply. He had stopped struggling after the next three or four times the scene had played over, he'd still run but he knew his body had given out right at the moment he tripped and he wouldn't try to run away if he knew he couldn't.

His mind trying to recognize where he was going to be found, hopefully an animal would drag him deeper into the forest. He didn't want any innocent bystander finding him and ending up in a mental institution. It wouldn't matter anyway; he'd be dead to this world in a few moments.

Something inside him told him that this was important, that he needed to know where he was. He picked out a few landmarks: a tree parting like a Y, a hunter's trap under the bush to the right of him that was glinting devilishly in the moons light, a tree to his left that had it's bark chopped off in the shape of a crucifix, he was lying on top of a very sharp rock that was pressing into his spine. There were also rocks around him, making a circle, all the rocks had blood on them making them seem as if they were facing him. He wasn't sure if that was his blood or not but he doubted it mattered. The lastly there was the root he had tripped over, it was large and black. It wasn't the helpful but it would do.

The sense of being watched finally over took him and as he looked up to see his killer, his heart stopped. Something inside him hurt, he knew this person or he was going to know this person. It was such a familiar face that he was sure he knew who it was, but then the shovel hit his head with a good whack. He felt it in his nose and his mind had gone berserk, yelling at him. It was too much pain! He gurgled as he tried to scream; his teeth had broken and fell to the back of his throat. It was no use; his mind was dead the next moment as the shovel collided with his face once more.

"_Dead, Dead. Chop, Chop. The Sky Is Awfully Bright. Something's Right About This Night…_"

His mind caught onto the words as he shot up from his bed. The bile rose quickly in his throat, not giving him anytime to reason over what he had just heard. He was already up, running into the bathroom. He let go as soon as he was over the toilet, watching the pungent, liquidly chunks fill the bowl. Someone was bound to see him make a run for the bathroom at some point; he'd been lucky so far. No one had noticed the odor of bleach when they came in, he would try hiding it like the scars on his wrist for as long as possible. There was something telling him that this was a secret, no one needed nor wanted to hear about his pains, his mind-blowing headaches, those strange nightmares, the cutting and that clenching feeling in his heart.

He wiped the leftover bile off his face as he flushed the toilet, his other hand reaching for his toothbrush. The nightmares had started three days before the end of his life, meaning it had started three days before Yuki had asked Torhu out and the girl had replied yes. He wondered if it was all connected. That would explain a lot if it was but he doubted it.

His mind had lost the image of the man who had killed him; he would always forget that part. It was irritating but he had all the time in the world to think about it and try to remember as he scrubbed the cover of the toilet. The man had said something different this time, he had been saying '_Dead, Dead. Bang, Bang. Wrong Way. Something's Wrong With This Day_.' Then there was the fact that it had been unusually dark this time around and the fact that instead of killing him with a gun like last time it was with a shovel.

What else was different?

He couldn't remember. The scenery was the same except it was night, everything happened as it had always happened. He knew he was missing something, but did it matter? It was just a dream and a dream meant nothing. Dreams had never had meaning before so why would it had any meaning now?

Letting out an irritated sigh for being so stupid for letting that dream get to him, he started the shower. He wouldn't be able to get to sleep anyways and it was 3:10 in the morning, he knew that since every single nightmare would end at exactly three ten. He didn't think about it, he didn't want to. It was stupid to think a dream would actually mean something.

He didn't seem to notice the presence outside the bathroom door, it had heard the grunts and pained groans Kyo was making and had watched the boy from the shadows for the past few nights. It was becoming increasingly hard to ignore the fact that something was terribly wrong with the cat.


	3. Chapter Two: MusicBox

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I don't even own my left foot. :(**

**Warning: There will be a BoyXBoy relationship in later chapters. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Note: It's been a while since I've done this so please be kind and review! Tell me how I can improve. **

**Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay! . ; I got this stupid sinus infection that keeps coming back. It sucks.**

**I want to thank everyone for reviewing and to tell you that Haru will be in the next chapter! **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
**

* * *

Chapter Two: MusicBox

"_Déjà vu, déjà vu, déjà vu"_

* * *

Have you ever had that feeling? Where the world just seems to stop, just for you? Just so you can think about why you are. It can happen at any moment, you could just be sitting there watching TV and BOOM! In a split second you can feel that small little change, it doesn't mean anything at first, but then you begin to ponder that feeling and it becomes bigger and bigger, ripping you apart until there is this big black hole inside of you. It's killing you from the inside and there is nothing you can do about it. 

It's a realization.

It's like that little voice inside of you comes out and asks you '_Why do you try so hard?_' After the split second is over, you can't help but to wonder why you really do try so hard, it makes no sense. Why should you try when there is nothing to try for? When you know nothings going to change for the better, why do you keep trying? Is it weak to not try? But you are weak, so it doesn't matter. You can stop trying, just let go; there is not point to keep on trying.

The realization hurts for a second but why wouldn't it? To know that you don't need to try, that no one needs you to try… it's supposed to hurt. But it doesn't hurt long, the thought is numbed, everything is numbed. You can still feel though it doesn't feel as strong as it used too, everything is muffled. The good and the bad, mixed into the gray area, leaving you there to just…. _Float_.

Kyo could feel it, he had felt it for a long time now and he had finally given into that feeling. It muffled everything but the nightmares. The nightmares kept him alive and he wished they would stop; he wanted that oblivion. He craved it.

After getting out of the shower he dried off slowly, taking his time since that was all he had. He let the towel fall as he changed into his regular black school wear, he had kept it in the bathroom since he'd known he'd end up there anyway.

It was five in the morning when he decided to grace everyone with his presence; Yuki was still asleep while Torhu busied herself in the kitchen. Kyo couldn't help himself but to look over Torhu as she made breakfast, his eyes quickly fell away as he saw Shigure walk in asking for more coffee. The girl was happy to cater to him but upon seeing the redhead just standing blankly in the doorway, his mouth ajar she couldn't help but ask.

"Kyo, What's wrong? Are you okay? Would you like some breakfast?" the words came out quickly and the feeling of Shigure watching him carefully was getting to him.

"Hn," Kyo grunted as he just spun on his heal and walked away, the two pairs of eyes were burning holes into his back. He knew Shigure saw the difference in him, the dog could just sense it but Torhu wasn't that smart… Maybe she was starting to have feelings for him!

As soon as the idea came up, it was shot down and buried six feet under. She was probably just curious as to why he wasn't eating breakfast today. His stomach growled at him angrily as he left the house but he wouldn't bother with it. It didn't matter if he ate or if he hurt himself, he just didn't matter.

* * *

He had been walking quietly towards the school; he hadn't even reached the main roads when he started to hear an awfully strange sound. It was soft, it sounded like wind chimes. The feeling bubbling in his heart was wrong, the feeling sang of remembrance yet his mind couldn't remember the song. 

It was dragging him away. He was walking into the forest that surrounded the road, his feet leading him towards the noise. Why was he letting himself follow the noise? He told himself that it was because he had the time to go looking, not because he had finally identified the noise as the song that his mother's music box used to play. No, he was just curious.

He had stumbled a bit, which was strange since there had been nothing to stumble over. Brushing himself off while looking around to make sure he was still alone, he didn't want to be embarrass himself in front of anyone by tripping. Of course, no one was there; at least he didn't sense anyone.

He shrugged, suddenly noticing the silence and a small rusted box sitting on the ground at his feet. His heart pounded loudly as he picked it up, he knew the box well and feeling it in his hands he knew that it had been his mother's. He just knew. The gold edges, the silver feet that propped it up, the naked angels painted on the porcelain. The angel's had dread written all over their faces, as a child he had been sure that they had been smiling but maybe his mind had twisted the image. He supposed that he had always assumed them to be smiling because they were angels. It didn't matter, he decided frowning down at the box in his rough palm. He looked over it, finding nothing out of the ordinary except that the knob that would wind up the music box had been broken off.

How could someone wind it up when that knob had been clearly rusted off? How long had he passed the object without notice? How had it suddenly made music when he passed it? Why now? Why Today? Was there a reason to it all?

Kyo dismissed it. He didn't want to think about it; if he started to think then wouldn't there be a point to living again? He didn't want to give himself fake hope anymore. He slowly placed the rusted metal back on the ground, slowly backing away from it before turning around and running to school. He didn't like the feeling the box was giving off, it was déjà vu all over again.

* * *

**Review to get the next chapter! **


	4. Chapter Three: Jack In The Box

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I don't even own my left foot. :(**

**Warning: There is a BoyXBoy relationship in this and later chapters. Don't say I didn't warn you! Also for HaruXKyo fans I have a pre-warning for you in later chapters. Please don't get angry with me for what is going to happen between the pair.  
**

**Note:**

**It's going to take me a while to update because I need to be in the mood for writing and I need time to live life also so please wait for me. The chapters are coming.**

**I have also been starting to think about the sequel to this, it's going to be called 'I Have The Disease Of The Make Believe, It's Called The Yellow Brick Road Syndrom.' Long, huh? Well, don't worry this has about three to five more chapter in it till the sequel. Spoiler (Kinda) Be perpared to throw vegetables at me because as soon as everything is good it's all going to go down hill.  
**

**Thanks for reading! And please review!  
**

**I hope you like it! -**

* * *

_Chapter Three: Jack In The Box_

"_I Am Nothing More_

_Than A Disappointment"  
_

* * *

There used to be this dream, where the jack in the box would pop out and just keep swinging back and forth… Back and forth…

Something about that dream had always made Kyo think. Maybe it was Jack's face, he smiled and yet he had that teardrop on his cheek.

Jack was a man pretending.

The fact Kyo had arrived three hours late to school had been more than strange, he was sure his detour had only taken about fifteen minutes or so. He wondered what happened to those minutes in which he couldn't remember. Everyone had watched him come in; they all noticed him for a second just like when Jack first came out of his box. No one would watch him sway back and forth they only liked when he came out of the box.

Jack is here to amuse.

His face was flushed as he sat down, but that was the only interruption he had made during class. He had missed lunch, but did it matter? No, he wouldn't and didn't have anything to eat anyways. He stretched, class had let out twenty minutes ago and yet he was still in that classroom. He didn't have to clean it up but he was just sitting there, looking out the window.

Jack watches with bright blue eyes.

He summoned the strength to move, his muscles tightening as he slowly rose from his seat to look around the empty classroom. It was time to leave. He didn't understand why he even bothered coming to school anymore. It's not like he would ever become something more than a cat in a cage.

Jack is happy.

He arrived home to a strange scene; the cow was searching through the fridge. But his mind told him that this was right, that the cow had come to stay for a few weeks as he got over his relationship with Rin. His mind told him to act like he used to and yet he didn't have enough energy to do so.

Jack has a large black hat to hide his true thoughts.

"What are you doing here cow?" He asked with as much anger as he could. The cow only turned to smile at Kyo, his smile becoming bigger at the site of the cat. The redhead was a mess, his shirt unbuttoned showing off his tan god-like skin that held tightly to the muscles around his stomach.

Jack smiles wide.

"Just the person I was looking for," He said in that blank tone of his as he wrapped an arm around the cat's shoulder. Kyo flinched at the contact but did not push it away, he wasn't up for a fight today.

Jack amazes us.

"Why? What do you want?" The red-head growled out with a death glare sent towards the cow who was strangely clinging to him.

Jack is sad.

"You know why I broke up with Rin?" He asked softly he directed Kyo to the living room, sitting them both down on the couch. Haru was close and the cat was starting to feel alive and visible. He wasn't sure if he liked the feeling or not.

Jack swings back and forth.

"I thought she broke up with you…" The cat said slowly as he tried to get out of the other's hold. His face was bright, probably the color of his hair, he didn't take well to this kind of contact. His hair was raising and he was becoming more like his old self, a low his rumbling with in him.

Jack isn't special.

"No, I broke up with her because I was only kidding myself when I said I loved her. Kyo," He paused looking down, his face deceptive as he tried to work out his emotions. "Kyo I really like you!" It came out quickly and nervously, the look in his eyes was strange like regret or maybe it was the fear of rejection.

Jack is put back into his box and forgotten.

"What?! What?!" He said as he pushed the other away from him, strength coming to his body as if he had actually been feeding it. He hit and bit at the other screaming angrily at the cow. "Don't fucking lie!"

Jack is remembered.

"Kyo, I know this is hard to accept but I truly love you, I always have I've just been afraid to show it!" He said yelling back at the feisty cat as he incased the other male in his arms. "Please Kyo, please believe me," He whispered as he kissed the other's forehead softly.

Jack came out of his box and he smiles and he pretends and he amuses for as long as he can because he knows it can only last for so long.


End file.
